Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
