So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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