That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
