you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
