Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
