Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
