i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
whose ass print is on the piano?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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