dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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