Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
