Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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