happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
