I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
