Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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