I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
