Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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