Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
