just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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