Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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