we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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