someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
we're so committed to being not committed
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
