Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
tell me about the eggs
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
