You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
