My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
