If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is Oprah even human
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
