so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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