i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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