These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
