Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
