There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
