yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
