I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
