Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
