At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I need water and some morals
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
