it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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