White coat. Heels.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
