Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
