get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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