beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
