i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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