90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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