Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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