I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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