Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
