What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
