When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
