no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
