Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
