I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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