Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
