I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
